You did all the things. You breastfed, offered a wide variety of whole foods, skipped the added sugar, and maybe even worked a little beef liver into dinner. And then, out of nowhere, your child refuses the food they happily ate last week.
If that’s you, you’re in good company. I have four little ones (seven, four, two, and eight months), and every single one of them has gone through a season of picky eating, each at a different stage. That’s exactly why I was so excited to sit down with Katie Kimball, former teacher, mom of four, and author of The Picky Eater Playbook, on the Holistically Well Podcast.
Her big message? Picky eating is rarely about the food, and it’s usually not about the behavior either. It’s a symptom. And when we get curious about the root cause, the power struggles start to fade.
Why “Picky Eater” Is the Wrong Label
Any label we give our children can quickly become part of their identity. When kids hear us tell another adult, “Oh, she’s such a picky eater,” they tend to believe it, and then live up to it.
Katie suggests a shift in how we think about it: your child doesn’t have a problem, they have preferences. We all do. And preferences can grow.
That’s where her favorite word comes in. The real magic word isn’t “please.” It’s “yet.”
- “You haven’t figured out how to like broccoli yet.”
- “It’s okay you don’t like that today. You’re still learning to eat.”
- “Your taste buds just aren’t grown up yet.”
That last one comes with a little bonus reverse psychology. Kids want to grow up, so hearing that they might enjoy a stronger flavor “when their taste buds are bigger” can actually spark curiosity.
Katie shared a sweet story of a four-year-old who, when Grandma pushed her to take a bite, calmly replied that she was still learning to eat. That’s the kind of hopeful, growth-minded confidence we want our kids to carry.
The Five P’s of Picky Eating
Katie organizes the root causes of picky eating into five P’s: palate, pain, processing, pressure, and power. The first three are physiological, and they’re the ones parents most often miss.
1. Palate
How a child chews, swallows, and moves food around the mouth matters. A high or narrow palate, mouth breathing, an untreated tongue tie, or a tongue thrust can make eating physically hard work.
Katie noticed this with one of her own sons. He was consistently messier at meals than his younger brother, and she chalked it up to sloppiness. It turned out he had a tongue thrust that he never outgrew, so his tongue was regularly pushing food out as he chewed.
If you notice frequent messiness, drooling, or the tongue coming forward while your child chews, it may be worth an assessment from a dentist, orthodontist, or orofacial myofunctional therapist.
As Katie put it, none of us love doing hard things, and if eating is hard three to five times a day, a child can slip into “give up” mode that looks a lot like pickiness.
2. Pain
Constipation, undiagnosed food sensitivities, and low-grade discomfort can all quietly push a child away from food. Katie noted that roughly 10% of kids are officially constipated, and suspects the real number is higher since many parents don’t know what to look for.
Her daughter’s story stuck with me. During a month-long dairy-free trial in fifth grade, she realized she could finally breathe easily after gym class. She had assumed everyone felt winded after one flight of stairs.
Katie also puts stress and anxiety in this bucket. A stressed child has adrenaline running, which suppresses appetite, whether the stress is about school, friends, or something they overheard at home.
3. Processing
Sensory processing differences can make certain textures, flavors, sounds, or sights overwhelming. And it doesn’t have to be in the mouth. A loud kitchen, a busy table, or a scratchy shirt tag can pull a child’s attention away from the food entirely.
4 and 5. Pressure and Power
These are the ones we, as parents, have the most control over, and we’ll get to them below.
The takeaway: be a pattern seeker and a detective. When you find the root cause, your child can start to make friends with their food.
A Story From My Practice: The Toddler Who Only Ate Mac and Cheese
As a pelvic floor PT, I can’t hear “constipation” without perking up. I once treated a postpartum mom whose two-year-old would only eat mac and cheese. Her daughter was chronically constipated, sometimes going two weeks without a bowel movement, and they were in the middle of an expensive round of gut testing at a children’s hospital.
We kept it simple. I did gentle abdominal massage with her and applied magnesium lotion topically. We pulled back on a highly concentrated supplement she was resisting. And rather than fighting the mac and cheese, we made it nourishing: noodles cooked in bone broth, a homemade cheese sauce made with real, freshly shredded cheese and higher-quality dairy.
She began having regular bowel movements. Once she wasn’t in pain, she started accepting other foods, and mom was able to cancel the follow-up imaging.
Deep dives into allergies and gut issues are sometimes absolutely needed. But sometimes the answer really is whole, nourishing food and addressing the discomfort underneath.
What Healthy Poop Looks Like
Yes, we’re going there, because it’s foundational to health. Once kids are potty trained, it’s easy to lose track. In our house, “Did you poop today?” is a normal question.
Generally, healthy bowel movements happen about once or twice a day and are soft and formed, like a banana. Katie added an important point: some constipated kids go several times a day, but only pass small, pellet-like stools. Frequency alone doesn’t tell the whole story.
If your child is regularly uncomfortable, straining, or going days between bowel movements, please loop in their pediatrician.
Since constipation and pelvic floor health go hand in hand at every age, if you’re a mama dealing with your own constipation, pelvic pressure, or bathroom habits that don’t feel right, that’s exactly what we work on together in pelvic floor physical therapy. I see patients in-person in Sidney, Ohio or virtually.
A Good Dinner Starts at Snack Time
Here’s the spoiler Katie shared: we don’t start addressing picky eating at dinner. What happens in the hours before dinner can undo every good strategy at the table.
Kids need to come to meals with an appetite, which means they need space between eating. Katie recommends at least 90 minutes between meals and snacks for little ones, with older kids often able to stretch closer to three hours. She also suggests just one serving of snack between meals, since snack foods tend to be more fun and filling.
You can even explain the “why” to kids as young as three: God designed our days with rhythms. The sun rises and sets, we wake and sleep, and our bodies have times for eating and times for resting and digesting.
In our home, my oldest gets off the bus, and we all have snack together. Then the kitchen closes until dinner at 5:30. Inevitably, someone asks for another snack while I’m cooking. The only exception? Whatever raw vegetables I’m already cutting. Carrots and cucumbers are always fair game.
Lead With Your Ace
That brings us to one of Katie’s simplest strategies: put out the food you most want your kids to eat when they’re the hungriest, with no competition and no pressure.
The first bites of a meal always taste best, so make those first bites count. For most families, that means vegetables. Set out raw veggies, a bowl of frozen peas, or frozen green beans (kids often love them like little popsicles) while dinner finishes. You can call it an appetizer or say nothing at all.
If you’re really working through a picky season, Katie suggests a blended soup course. Picky eaters can’t pick out the green bits, and snipping a straw in half makes it a fun novelty. Let them pipe sour cream faces on top. Make it playful.
And if your little one ends up driving a baby carrot around their toy car track instead of eating it? That’s still exposure, and exposure is a win.
Why “Just Try It” Can Backfire
I’ll be honest, this one challenged me. My go-to has always been, “You have to try it.” My kids are generally compliant, so it hasn’t caused much trouble for us.
But Katie made a point every parent needs to hear: when we say “you have to take one bite,” we have to be ready to follow through. And if a child flatly refuses, what’s the follow-through? Forcing food into their mouth isn’t something any of us want to do, which means we shouldn’t start down that road.
Her alternative is a phrase that sounds backward at first: “You don’t have to eat that.”
You can still invite them in. “You’re welcome to smell it, stir it, or taste it if you’d like. But you don’t have to eat it.” This respects your child’s body autonomy, which carries important lessons well beyond the dinner table.
And yes, if they don’t touch the first course, they still get the rest of the meal. Katie compared it to a struggling reader at school. We don’t keep that child in from recess until they catch up. We recognize they need support, not punishment. Kids shouldn’t have to earn their food.
As Katie put it, it takes two to power struggle. If you stop pushing, there’s nothing to push back against, and your child’s relationship with food can grow without your relationship with them getting in the way.
Redefining Family Dinner in Busy Seasons
Between sports, activities, and babies and toddlers in the mix, a sit-down 5:30 dinner isn’t always realistic. Katie’s encouragement: redefine family dinner.
- It can be a picnic of whole foods in the bleachers at a little league game.
- It can be one parent with two kids while the other parent eats with the rest.
- It can be 7 a.m. breakfast if that’s the only meal your family shares.
Even one parent and one child connecting over food in a low-stress setting counts. Feeding each other is a way of showing care, and community around food runs deep in Scripture and history.
Getting Kids in the Kitchen
Katie explained that there are 32 steps to eating, and actually chewing and swallowing food is step 31. That means there are about 30 steps of exposure before a bite ever happens: seeing, smelling, touching, hearing it sizzle, and even getting it messy. (Yes, those mashed bananas in your baby’s hair count.)
The kitchen is one of the best places for that exposure because there’s no pressure to eat. Kids touch, smell, and stir freely, and cooking gives them ownership. When we make something, we’re more likely to want to try it.
This is one of my favorite places to be with my kids. It’s also how I learned that my children love raw carrots but don’t enjoy cooked ones. When I was making a roast recently, my daughter asked me to set some carrots aside raw, and she packed them up herself for dinner.
Katie pointed out something important in that story: “I don’t like carrots” often really means “I don’t like carrots prepared this way.” Shredded slow-cooker chicken and a grilled chicken breast are completely different experiences for a child. Teaching kids to name that difference builds a growth mindset, and it builds empathy in us as parents.
She also encourages deconstructing meals rather than short-order cooking. Pull the broccoli out before adding the dressing for the child who doesn’t like it, but keep it one family meal. We choose what’s served. Kids choose whether and how much to eat.
If You Don’t Love Cooking With Your Kids
Katie had such kind words for the mamas who feel guilty about this. You don’t have to love it. A few ways to make it easier:
- Invite one child at a time.
- Teach new skills after a snack or a weekend breakfast, not right before dinner when everyone’s hungry and rushed.
- Have kids work at the kitchen table so they’re not underfoot.
- Teach one skill, like measuring a level teaspoon, then put that “expert” in charge of the seasonings at dinner.
Then at the table, ask, “Who was in charge of seasoning tonight? It’s delicious!” and watch them beam.
The Long Game: A Healthy, Non-Anxious Relationship With Food
One meal is a tiny piece of an 18-year parenting journey. What we’re really building is kids who understand how God designed their bodies to work with real food, who can ask themselves how a food makes them feel, and who carry that ownership into adulthood.
Katie shared that her 18-year-old just started college and is already hosting Sunday family dinners with friends, cooking from scratch and serving others. That’s the fruit of years of small, low-pressure moments around the table and in the kitchen.
If you’re in the thick of the little years, I hope this encourages you. Get curious about root causes, take the pressure off, and keep inviting your kids to the table. They’re still learning to eat.
Grab The Picky Eater Playbook
Katie’s book, The Picky Eater Playbook, officially releases November 10, 2026. Pre-order through www.raisinghealthyfamilies.com/pickykayla before then to get her bonuses. They include a cheat sheet of her go-to phrases, a video on constipation and the Bristol stool chart, and a video on the 32 steps to eating. You can also request the book at your local library.
Disclaimer: This post is for educational purposes only and is not medical advice. Any concerns about your child’s eating, growth, digestion, oral function, or development should be discussed with your pediatrician or a qualified provider before making changes.
This topic goes even deeper on the podcast. Whether you’re a listener, a reader, or a watcher — there’s a version of this conversation waiting for you. Tune in on Apple, Spotify, or YouTube, and if it resonates, a review helps more women find their way here.
